By Kathryn Peck / Medically reviewed by Dr. Samantha Ball, DO
As a mom of 4, I often feel as though my life revolves around sleep (or a lack there of). Sometimes I even wake in the morning and my first thought is about the day’s imminent bedtime.
While one child has what I call “racing thoughts” at night, another has a stuffy nose and can’t sleep because of it. And as any parent will tell you, if your child can’t sleep, then neither can you.
More recently, my 5-year old has started appearing by my bedside in the middle of the night complaining of scary nightmares.
More recently, my 5-year old has started appearing by my bedside in the middle of the night complaining of scary nightmares.
Nightmares in children can happen at any age, but experts say they typically start happening between ages 3 and 6, tapering off after age 10. Ages 5 to 8 are often the toughest years for nightmares, because it’s at this age when their understanding of real-life dangers become more tangible.
But telling a child that there’s “nothing to be scared of” or that “monsters aren’t real” just don’t help, and I speak from experience; those phrases don’t make scared feelings magically disappear. So, if you can’t make them magically disappear, what can you do?
What causes nightmares?
An obvious place to start when looking for the root of the problem are if a child watches a scary show, movie, or listens to a scary story; these can cause nightmares, even if the movie or story doesn’t seem scary to you. Excitement and over-stimulation before bedtime can also cause nightmares, as can significant changes in a child’s life (new schools, a parent’s work changes, etc.) or even anxious feelings about the next day’s events might result in a nightmare.
What to do?
Experts say that physical reassurance is important, so if your child cries out at night, go to them and stay until they calm down. (I’ve learned that allowing a child into bed with you, although by far the easiest decision to make in the middle of the night, is not always the easiest to fix once it becomes a habit…!)
Talking about the nightmare may help. Take your queues from your child. It’s okay to remind them that the nightmare was “just a dream,” but again, don’t expect your child’s fears to vanish.
If monsters in the closet are the issue, check the closet. Check under the bed and behind the curtains, but keep it short and sweet. Fix the covers, rearrange the stuffed animals on the bed, and double check the nightlight. All of these little things help to comfort the child and bring the focus back to the physical reassurances of the room.
All of these little things help to comfort the child and bring the focus back to the physical reassurances of the room.
Practicing what they call “nightmare-coping skills” may also help. Some children might like to come up with a happy ending for their dream the next day, while others might like drawing a picture of the bad dream and throwing it in the trash.
How to prevent nightmares?
More times than not, racing thoughts and nightmares happen in my family when it’s late and my children are overtired. So, getting adequate sleep from the beginning is key.
According to experts, creating a relaxing environment and predictable bedtime routine can help. A bath, a story, a song, etc. Books that might help address nighttime fears before the happen include:
“Bye-Bye Bad Dreams” by Stephanie L. Robinson
This story deals with real life emotions and fears in a fun, silly way that will leave children wanting to return to their world of fantasy and keep dreaming!
“The Dream Jar” by Lindan Lee Johnson
A little girl learns to turn bad dreams into good ones. She teaches her sister the trick and the two transform nightmares into "dreamy dreams" together.
“The Berenstain Bears and the Bad Dream” by Stan and Jan Berenstain
Brother and Sister bear have nightmares and their mom and dad help them understand that they are scary but not real.
“Rosie and the Nightmares” by Philip Waechter
Rosie has terrible nightmares, but she decides to confront them rather than fear them.
“Mommy, Daddy, I Had a Bad Dream” by Martha Heineman Piper, PhD
A kangaroo has a series of bad dreams and his family helps him to understand that it’s okay and that he can put himself back to sleep.
Offering a child control of the situation might also help. Consider making a sign that says “no bad dreams allowed” for their room, or fill a bottle with scented water to create “nightmare repellent” or “monster spray” and let your child spray some in the room before bed to keep the nightmares and monsters away.
Offering a child control of the situation might also help. Consider making a sign that says “no bad dreams allowed” for their room.
For me and my children, everything is exacerbated at night. So talking about nightmares and feelings during the daylight hours has proven much more helpful than middle-of-the-night discussions.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sleep problems affect 25 to 50 percent of children and 40 percent of adolescents. This means it also affects their parents, too. So parents, take solace in knowing that you’re not alone in this nighttime struggle.
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Please note: This is for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to substitute individual medical advice. For specific and individual advice, always talk to your doctor.
About the author: Kathryn is the owner of Bicycle Pie and mom of 4 little ones. Also a writer, editor, and former owner of one of Boston's premiere baby boutiques, she continues to write about motherhood, children's products, family life, and all other things that test our skills and patience as parents.
About the reviewer: Dr. Samantha Ball, DO, is a pediatrician, cat mom, and advocate for children’s overall health and wellness. She is continually focused on supporting families through all stages in a realistic and evidence-based way. In addition to practicing medicine in Georgia, she shares experiences and her perspectives on topics including parenting tips, mental and physical health, and how to navigate the unexpected challenges that come about when raising kids.
Photo credit: iStock.com/ozgurcankaya
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