By Kathryn Peck
It’s just this. Every Saturday night, our family watches a movie together. It’s our “family movie night.” We carefully pre-select movies that we think everyone, ages 6 to adult, will enjoy, and we put them into a hat, picking from it shortly before our movie night extravaganza begins.
Pajamas, cozy blankets, popcorn - even the dog gets a special donut-shaped treat to gnaw on during the course of the movie. With all of the promise of a delightful evening together ahead, it drives me bonkers when it’s wasted on an overly marketed kids’ movie that actually makes no sense; a movie that leaves me with more questions than answers.
It drives me bonkers when it’s wasted on an overly marketed kids’ movie that actually makes no sense; a movie that leaves me with more questions than answers.
A movie where at some point, I inevitably ask, “Does anyone understand what’s going on?” My kids answer, “not really,” and “I’m not sure.” Or worse, one of my kids asks me, “What’s happening?” and I can’t explain a thing.
So many kids’ movies today, it seems, are written ostensibly for kids but their plots focus on adult themes that a child cannot possibly understand at such a young age. Sometimes they work (e.g. “Shrek”) and sometimes they don’t (wait for it). Sometimes a movie begs you to stretch your imagination (e.g. “Up”) and it works, and sometimes a movie tackles more developed themes like the afterlife and family values (e.g. “Coco”) and it works.
Kids don’t have to fully understand a movie to enjoy it; neither do adults for that matter. But when the plot is so ultra-complicated, so sophisticated, and becomes such an arduous task to break down, then they go on my list of movies that should never go in anyone’s “family movie night” hat.
Here are my top 5 kids’ movies that will never go back into the hat:
Emoji Movie (2017)
The oldest movie in this list, but perhaps the most annoying to me because my kids still insist that they love it, yet no one can fully explain it. At its core, it’s a predictable story about being yourself and not just following the crowd. But no one actually gets that message because it’s buried so deep in a convoluted plot, shouting emoji characters, and senseless smartphone jargon, it just left me feeling like we all needed a screenbreak afterward. (image credit: Sony)
Encanto (2021)
Yes, we can all still sing the songs from “Encanto” word for word, but can anyone tell me what, exactly, the movie was about? My kids stand firm that they love the movie, but they can’t, and I’ve asked, explain anything. How did the family members in the movie get their powers? Why does the house have powers? Yes, I know that the family was bestowed with magic when the husband tragically died, but how? And the powers make no sense. One has strength, and another can control the weather, which is great for building a strong community. But another has bionic hearing, and another is so pretty that flowers bloom in her path. What good is that? My kids tell me that the candle gives the characters their powers. But how? Where did the candle come from? And why didn’t the main character, Mirabel, get a gift like everyone else? So many questions, so little time. (image credit: Disney)
Lightyear (2022)
I should have known we were in trouble with this movie at the first hint of time travel. Buzz, who we all know from the “Toy Story” franchise, essentially spends the entire movie trying to make up for a mistake he’d made: crashing an exploration ship that leaves the crew stranded. Trying to fix the ship with hyperspace crystals, his test flights age him 4 minutes, while everyone else ages 4 years. Try explaining that to a 6 year old. Then, he achieves hyperspace and zips ahead 22 years. Got a pencil and paper? Then, he runs into his older self - the villain, nonetheless. I think my head almost exploded. (image credit: Disney)
Strangeworld (2022)
On one level, there’s a family dynamic in this movie that’s sweet, and the three generations (son, father, grandfather) that meet (via a time leap that certainly lends some added plot confusion to a child) have to work through their differences to save the day. But throw in an ecological crisis, plants that fuel a town’s energy, and a bunch of super weird creatures in an underground world, and I had to ask, “What’s going on?” I read this explanation in a review by Douglas Davidson of Elements of Madness:
“[The producers] take the audience on a ride inside a living creature, reconceptualizing arteries, blood cells, stem cells, the immune response, the limbic system, and more. What’s first seen as a Hollow Earth situation is, instead, revealed to be little more than an exploration of innerspace, and it is marvelous. The reveal also smartly serves to support [the son’s] perspective, the idea that they themselves wouldn’t be hunted by the Reapers (S. Macrophus), eosinophils white blood cells, if they weren’t constantly being a threat to the ecosystem within the strange world. Once they started working with the natural processes they encountered, they stopped being the ones attacked and were able to shift into a protective position, ultimately saving the day.”
I commend Davidson for summing the movie up so eloquently, but that, and the fact that an explorer actually named his son Searcher, is just asking too much for me, and my kiddos.
IF (2024)
This is not a kids’ movie, but it pretends to be. This live-action/animated fantasy movie is about what happens to imaginary friends when kids grow up. But kids watching the movie haven’t grown up yet, so it’s a foreign concept for them. There were too many unanswered questions in this movie, aside from the big one surrounding the sad state of IFs residing in the attic of the apartment building. Why was the dad in the hospital? What’s with the creepy bear? Why is there a portal (aka Coney Island) to the world of imaginary friends and the attic space where they are? And why is the main character able to see all the IFs? None of my kids had imaginary friends. I tried to make some sense of the movie by telling my kids about my childhood imaginary friend. His name was Mr. France, and he was a middle-aged balding man that looked a lot like Mr. Bikford in the book, “Who Needs Love” by Mark Alan Stamaty. Now my kids think I’m crazier than the movie.
“The most important stories are the ones we tell ourselves,” the main character says at one point. Are they?
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About the author: Kathryn is the owner of Bicycle Pie and mom of 4 little ones. Also a writer, editor, and former owner of one of Boston's premiere baby boutiques, she continues to write about motherhood, children's products, family life, and all other things that test our skills and patience as parents.
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